Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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