I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
