Are we in a gay sports bar?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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