I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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