I'm drive I can fine osifer
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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