i just wanna soil my oats bro
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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