and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
