Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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