im about as happy as oj after his trial
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize