I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
