I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
