i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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