All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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