I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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