Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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