Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
