They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
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