I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
