I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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