My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
