She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My vagina is officially offended.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
