It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We were destined to go to rehab together
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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