we're chasing vodka with high fives
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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