Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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