dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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