Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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