Do you still have your period?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
