If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
only if we run a train.
done.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
