Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
