Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
