Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
