So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
