I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
