yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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