I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
