this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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