I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You're like the curious george of whores
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she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
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Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
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