she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
