But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
