idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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