i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
