She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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