your parents love me but you hate me
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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