we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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