you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just want nice things and good sex
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Randomize
