I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
