The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
