You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
