He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
