Sober January is a disaster.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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