Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
