how can u be prego again
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
