i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
