I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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