well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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