So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
