you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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