i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
