I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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