Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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