Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
