We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
