Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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