god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
