I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
