You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
