She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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