Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
